the day after is always just damage control
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
