one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
