She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
zippers are such a cool invention
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
