Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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