Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
