Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We have started to decorate penises.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
