that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
