nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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