1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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