Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sorry my hands just texted you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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