I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize