You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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