Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
