Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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