The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Be still, my beating vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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