I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
