I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
