Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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