This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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