discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We left the knife in your bed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
