No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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