I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
