Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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