I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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