On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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