we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
