i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
