What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize