The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
