he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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