I like my sex mixed with concussions.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
