Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
