just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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