By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize