he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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