Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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