Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
