turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
did you just send me my own nude
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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