i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
