And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
