I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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