your thong is hanging out like whoa
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
