guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
