I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
did i just pee glitter
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
