We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
