i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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