I am in a vortex of obligation.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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