Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize