you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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