i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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