so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
