I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
