I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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