Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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