I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
