u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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