no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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