i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's like iHOP with fire
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
