The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
