you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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