just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hippo gnu deer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
