My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
