Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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