gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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