Dual....:-)
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
