if you like me you must not know who I am
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
