My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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