I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
