So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
