If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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