I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
