i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
