So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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