if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
