Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
