38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
