I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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