some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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