I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize