yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
