she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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