sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
